Monday: Operation Self Care is launched

I’ve been feeling a tad teary this weekend. 

Black Friday madness? Christmas looming? Or more likely that hubby has had a stable few days and I’ve come off the gas a little.

Urgh. How irritating to feel like his when things are good.

Cue: guilt trip

I’ve had a headache for 2 days which feels like an elephant sat on my head, and I’ve just wanted to cry at any opportunity. Waterstones got me yeaterday with Maggie Smith’s autobiography back cover (there’s nothing that weepy about it, but it got me.)

Anyway, onwards and upwards. That’s me.

So last night I checked into Hotel Mum and Dad for a good sleep and then like a teenager let my mum drive me to her Leisure club, pay for me and collect me later. 

Whilst hubby is feeling good, this is an opportunity for me to look out for me. I believe they call it ‘self care’. And it’s bloody marvellous.

This morning I also had a chat with a nice lady from IAPT who’s assessed me and my tears and is sending me some info on Triple P parenting courses, a relaxation CD and arranging for me to have a natter with a counsellor. 

Phew.

I’ve said it before, but being a mummy and loving someone with a mental illness is exhausting. I just plough on through usually, but then it catches up with me in cataclismic form. Shit.

It’s just me to look after me. So for now, the sounds of a jacuzzi, a trash mag and a power shower are my sanctuary.

See you on the other side.

 

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Top 5 ½ tips for a trigger-free family christmas

 

This year Christmas has a bonus layer of added expectations from a 5 year old who is ‘wet-my-pants i’ll-stay-up-ALL-night’ excited about the prospect of a stranger scaling our roof and breaking in.

So in order for me to keep this, err, magic alive for the bipolar depressed and excited among us, i’ve put together my survival pack of ideas to make sure it goes swimmingly. 

1. We’ll ignore the calendar 

So the plan is to plan to be flexible.If my hub knows from the outset the type of things we have planned, but is assured that if he’s overwhelmed or can’t face it, than all will be cool, then all the better.

2. I’m on kitchen strike 

I don’t have time to bake gingerbread houses or squeeze the teats of reindeers to make the most authentic homemade eggnog. Not this year anyway. Ikea do a great ready made gingerbread house and places like Cook or Iceland have some superb food. It’s one day. ONE day. Prawn ring anyone?

3. Buy small, wrap big. 

I love this one. It involves degrees of deception. From the end of October i scour the shops for boxes. FYI: Homebase is a good shout. I collect said boxes and even if i’ve bought one frickin Shopkin, it goes in a jumbo box, wrapped in poundland paper. Same goes for socks, pants and anything else. Et voila, Christmas morning wow factor (shortly followed by ‘is that all i got this year?’ but by then we’re all getting sugar hits from the smarties tube that’s being passed around).

4. Employ the Booze Police 

Things we do for love hey? My husband loves a festive tipple but too many tipples creates a whirlwind of emotions, which i’m not standing for this year. It’s my Christmas too and in this case we know booze can be a trigger. So we’ve had the chat and he will drive if we visit relatives or we’ll make sure we’re drinking plenty of water in between glasses. Boring, but 100% practical.

5. We’ll be separating (for a bit)

Even for the mentally healthy amongst us, Christmas is pretty intense. So this year, we will be carving out some personal time and give each other space. For him it may be sleep, getting to the gym or cleaning (see previous blog) and for me it may be watching a film, playing ‘shops’ with my daughter – again. Or sticking my headphones on for some music relief. We’re better together when we’re sometimes apart.

5.5  Be you, have fun.

It’s obvious right? No. We all put too much pressure on. In the words of that great lyricist, Queen Elsa (If you have children then you’ll know what i’m  saying)….Let it go, let it go, don’t hold it back any more.

If you have some tips to share i would LOVE to hear them. Maybe you have a mental health condition and would like to say what you would like. I’d be very interested to hear.

Thanks for reading and let the festivities commence. x

 

 

Top 5 Activities which help my Bipolar Husband – and me.

  1. Exercising with a 5 year old

Now, i’d rather stick pins in my eyes and eat my own vomit rather than go for a run. I’m more of a team player – Netball if you want to know, and no more so than when it comes to my family. So we (I) decided that we should get active and involve our daughter too.

Good role models and all that.

Continue reading “Top 5 Activities which help my Bipolar Husband – and me.”

Bitter sweet date night


We had a rare date night last night!

Well, we went for a quick drink.

He shouldn’t drink on his meds and I do get all disapproving about it when he does.

But selfishly I wanted him to have a drink.

Loosen up a bit.

Like he used to be.

And it was lovely, we chatted and giggled.

Even held hands don’t you know!

And…

….Snogged in the street.

With tongues.

I believe in date nights. We don’t have them enough as we don’t have the baby sitters to hand, but the mother in law was up so we took our chance.

Sadly, in the night as the White wine left his body, the worries came streaming back in.

He was up from 3.30am – 6pm.

Disturbed sleep is a trigger for him so today we’re on tenterhooks. The grey face is back and the sunken eyes (last night he looked sparkly).

Thankfully me and kiddo are out most of the day swimming and at a barrage of kids parties so he can get some peace.

At this moment as I write this  I do think the date night was worth it, whatever today may bring.

The horror of Friday the 13th

Despite our problems, we realise how lucky we are.

Freedom is so powerful.

And even though my hubby often feels his freedom is restricted by his mind, he knows our life is good.

For a few minutes we stood together imagining the horror in Paris.

In a weird way it felt nice to be ‘together’ in similar thought.

Joined, as one again.

Like it used to be.

Thoughts to all in Paris and all the kind human beings in the World.

x

Most days are a little like this

I’m awake.

He’s asleep.

Or tired.

Always tired.

A combination of depression, medication and stress of anxiety at work.

I wish some of my ‘me-ness’ would rub off on him.

I’ve come to terms that, even though i’m magical and do a lot of stuff in and out the house, my magicalness doesn’t stretch that far.

And that’s a milestone of realisation for me.

Onwards and upwards….

Frustrated by Fabulousness

Our daughter comes home from school in her usual bouncy, tell-it-how-it-is at 1million decibels, self.

But this is a trigger for my husband.

And it makes me feel sad.

So sad.

I now have to be the grown up and manage them both, listen to both their needs.

Work hard to contain her 5 year oldness so husband can re align himself.

*internal scream*

First blog. Gulp.

Here we go…….Lift off!
Hi.
I’m new here. This is my release, my venting, my happiness. Sharing my thinking with the abyss of the internet.
What fun!
In these early days i can say pretty much what i god damn want too.
Fanny.
Fart.
Glad that’s off my chest.
So, i’m Maggie. I live with a gorgeous man (who’s very tall) and a little human being who’s 5 (she’s ours by the way). And together we’re learning how to life with his diagnosis of Bipolar.
Now i need to figure out how this blog thing works. Any advice very welcome!