Why did it take 3 1/2 hrs to get ready for school?

Good bloody question! And we were STILL late!

Pancake day 2016, will go down in our record books. From 5.30am, when our 5YO sprung from her slumber, to 9.05am, when we both sobbed our way in to her classroom, we had the mother of all fights and it left me distraught all day.

And it went a little like this….

Continue reading “Why did it take 3 1/2 hrs to get ready for school?”

Hub update: 11 sure signs he’s stablising

Hello Houston, we have lift off! My hub is definitely stabilising and I’m bloody loving it!

*crosses fingers so as not to jinx it*

Ok so we had our 999 Emergency call thing last month, but he bounced back bouncier than a rubber ball on a trampoline, so here are 10 signs I’ve noticed recently which makes me think that perhaps – PERHAPS – we’re on course for a bit of stability. Continue reading “Hub update: 11 sure signs he’s stablising”

Cancer advice suitable for mental health support

 

“Oh HOW inconsiderate of her” you may say. But the social exclusion my husband and I feel from not being able to talk about his condition feels really cruel sometimes.

So I got to thinking about people I’ve known with Cancer and how they’ve wanted close friends to support them, but some just couldn’t. Continue reading “Cancer advice suitable for mental health support”

I had a car accident today, is this what Bipolar feels like?

Firstly, I’m fine. No injuries.

Just a roller coaster of emotions and I feel….

….EXHAUSTED.

To start with I was following a car who was sooooooo slow. I’m talking 15-20mph.

Cars this slow in a 40mph zone are ANNOYING.

I was HAPPILY singing to the radio but It was 3.15 so I was running late for school pick up. 

I was feeling a bit ANXIOUS too.

He broke gently. Then hard. Then sped up. Then stopped! Then drove on, slowed, sped up and then stopped.

*BANG*

I went into the back of him. I now felt ANGRY and FRUSTRATED. What the hell was he doing? 

We got out our cars and he instantly was shouting and effing and jeffing at me.

Now I felt INTIMIDATED, slightly SCARED, I was shaking and PANICKING about picking my daughter up on time.

I’ve never had an accident before so I wasn’t entirely sure what I was supposed to do. 

I now felt NERVOUS so had to call mummy friends to collect my daughter and my husband to see what I needed to do.

Now it was EMBARRASSMENT and REGRET.

 

The driver’s car had minor scratches. I need a new bumper, lights and number plate. 😦
 I tried to hold a stiff upper lip (how British) and was pleased when I could leave and get home.

But this all happened in just a few minutes and I feel utterly shaken and needed a lie down.

Is this a concentrated emotional roller coaster of how Bipolar sufferers, like my husband, feel?

Well if it is, it feels rubbish!!!!! Totally sucks. 100%!

Initially my husband was more concerned about the car, then me. He was great sorting everything out with the insurance but did tell me to pull myself together and move on.

I said “what if I said that to you?!”

He nodded, gave a knowing smile and hugged me. A moment of mutual understanding perhaps?

I just wish it didn’t have to cost hundreds of pounds. 

He loves me!

I knew it! I bloody knew it!

But there’s a difference between knowing and feeling it.

And this morning when i opened my Christmas card, i felt it.

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Seeing those few words thanking me, has made a world of difference.

It erases the times when his Bipolar told me that i’m not helping, or that it’s my fault he’s ill or that he ‘wasn’t like this before he met me’ and all the times when I’ve felt I’ve really put my all into helping him but to no avail.

(I’m new to this too. Fingers and thumbs and all that)

 

He’s in a really good place at the moment (today) and i actually don’t think it took him too much trouble to write this card for me. It came from the heart, and that’s why i felt it.

Merry Christmas to me.

 

 

 

The moment i realised i’m a Martyr to my Bipolar Husband

I had a crap night’s sleep last night.

I was even sleeping in the spare room as little F had crept in to our bed, and then STARFISHED so i moved rooms at 3.52am.

Dozed until 5am.

Then did a Tesco food shop at 5.25am (clothes on top of PJs and no bra! How liberating!)

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I don’t really like our bed anyway, it’s too hard, and if i’m honest the duvet is too heavy.

And then it dawned on me. I’m a Martyr.

I put up with a load of stuff and sacrifice what i like, just because it makes HIS life easier.

Do all partners of loved ones with Bipolar have martyrdom ways in order to live a more peaceful life? Or am i just a wife and that’s what we ‘do’?

So while he’s not looking, i’m just going to throw some stuff into the web ether of what completely and utterly (sometimes) irritates the hell out of me.

  • I sleep on a hard bed, because he likes hard beds. I don’t.
  • I get up in the night with our daughter because if his sleep is broken, life is rubbish.
  • I make a conscious effort to eat quietly because i’m too noisy – apparently
  • I drink with a straw because my gulping sound is too loud (WTF)
  • I sleep with the window open, because he likes the window open.
  • I take the things he buys back to the shops because he bought them on a whim and doesn’t wan them anymore.
  • I stay up late writing and helping him with his work presentations when all i want is to collapse on the safer
  • I don’t cook jacket potatoes, because he doesn’t like jacket potatoes. I love them (with beans if you’re interested. Very Slimming World compliant)
  • I drive the car that he wants to drive even though it was my money that bought it (he now doesn’t like it)
  • I lost 2 stone because he thought it would help his libido if i lost the baby weight – i then put 3 back on. (it didn’t help anyway, and my boobs shrunk)

 

How much of this do you put down to his diagnosis or just being a ‘man’?

I struggle with this thought a lot – weighing up what i deserve and want against the ‘ in sickness and in health vow’ i made back in 2008 (pre-diagnosis).

But at the end of the day I love him, and I know he loves me and our daughter. We are his EVERYTHING.

 

Tiredness does funny things to you. For him, it’s a trigger. For me, it’s a time to be a little grumpy and to vent on a blog.

I’m going downstairs now to give him a hug, because even though i haven’t written any down, he does do a lot of stuff for me. Just sometimes not the stuff i need – or want.

Helping a first time mum keep sane

I won’t lie. Babies can totally mess with your head.

Self doubt, lack of sleep, relationship changes, missing the old you….

It’s frickin intense. 

So when i got this message from my heavily pregnant best friend (who is completely bricking it/in denial) I was surprised….

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Hang on. Advice? Me?! Really?

It turns out i’ve probably had this ‘wisdom’ for about 4 and half years according to results from a survey by Nurofen for Children.

Result!

They found that most first time mums felt confident after about 6 months. So what on earth could this advice have been that i shared with my friend?

*Racks tired brain* 

  • Wear a long sleeved nightie with buttons down front for breastfeeding

Night time feeds are COLD, so my motto is to get your boobs out and keep your arms warm. In that Nurofen survey, 69% of new mums said they felt knackered. I know from experience how sleep deprivation can impact parent’s health (but don’t let that scare you), keep snuggly.

  • Never EVER Google

 

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A girl at work once googled this. *face palm*

For reliable and unscary web info, start with established sites like Mumsnet.com and Netmums.com. For health, nhs.uk is great, and brand’s websites/Facebook often have expert and mum chat too.

  • Don’t pretend you know what you’re doing

Good news! You WILL have mother’s instinct! Bad news – you won’t believe it for months. Baby’s health, feeding and sleep patterns will be your biggest grey hair creator (as backed up by that survey), so do ask and accept help. Some stuff will seem weird; I remember squirting breast milk into my daughter’s eye to get rid of conjunctivitis. Randomly, it worked.

Other topics we covered

  • Get a dog walker for the early days – babies do not leave on demand
  • Don’t freeze breast milk – you can, but the whole process is such a faff
  • Freeze food instead – cook now, eat later
  • Buy a nappy bag with zips galore – you’ll keep everything in it
  • You can reheat cups of tea in the microwave – who knew?!
  • Gauge temperature by kissing forehead – amazing trick

I don’t know when my ‘turning’ point was, confidence creeps up on you with each nappy change, but it does happen.But whenever it happens…it does happen. And it’s a really wonderful realisation, so hang on in there.


 

 

 

I am a member of the Mumsnet Bloggers Network Research Panel, a group of parent bloggers who have volunteered to blog about a specified subject or review products, services, events and brands for Mumsnet. I have editorial control and retain full editorial integrity. I have been entered into a prize draw to win a £100 voucher as a token of thanks for this post. 

Please note that this post is not intended to contain any medical advice. Always contact your own doctor or health professional if you have any concerns about your child’s health.

(i) Survey of 2,000 parents with a baby under 6 years old, commissioned by Nurofen for Children (May 2014)

(ii) Survey of 2,000 mums by One Poll, commissioned by Nurofen for Children (October 2013)